Can you divorce your friends?

Right on the heels of my Friendships blog comes the news that one of my “friends” got married...in June. I mean I am not mad or upset but I guess I definitely have viewed our friendship over the years differently than him. When you have been “friends” for 9 years don’t you think you are worthy of being informed of life changing news in their life like I don’t know MARRIAGE let’s say. Wouldn't you let your "friend" know that you were getting married? Don't I count? I guess not...So this brings me to the question: When do friends decide that you aren't really a friend? Or are there various definitions of friends....to many people.

I am beginning to wonder as one of my friends did “Can you divorce your friends?” And if so how is this accomplished. Is there some kind of friend therapy out there? Can I search the internet and find a legal separation document for friend divorce? The answer appears to be no – I checked.

It’s not that I personally want to divorce my friends, ok maybe a couple. Over the years some friends haven’t exactly embraced the term friend or at least my definition. Do I need to have a caveat before we are officially friends? Do we have some kind of fried-commitment ceremony? I always thought that most people understood what it meant to be your friend, but over the years that I have discovered there is more to being friends than sharing crayons.

Some people are under the delusions that being a friend is a one way street...for them. You know the people I am talking about. These are “friends” when acquiring either a boyfriend/girlfriend/or mate simply vanishes from your life until....something drastic happens and by drastic I mean to them, not in general terms. For example I think we have all had friends who only call when their significant others are out of town or have broken up with them and then you are their lifeline though you haven’t heard from them in eons.

Then there are the stealers...I think we have all had one of these. They are the friend that once you have admitted that you have feelings for someone goes for your jugular. They all of a sudden are also interested in that very same person. Maybe they aren’t even interested in they just don’t want you to be with that person. Whatever the reason they seem to make it their mission to seek and steal...and usually they are successful. I know people who have had so-called-friends sleep, and by sleep I really mean have sex with, with the person their friend was in-like or even in-love with and then act like it’s no big deal. Really what are these people smoking?

Of course these people aren’t really true friends and usually at some point you come to your senses and give them the boot, a bitch-slap or kick in the ass whichever comes first.

But what about those people who you actually consider your friend and you thought/think you are theirs? What do they consider a “friend?” Why can’t you oust them from your life when they seem to have no problem ousting you from theirs or at least leaving you out in the cold. It sucks to think you are friends with someone only to discover you really are not. Like hearing months later they got married or had a baby or something equally earth shattering in their lives has occurred.

I did find a website pertaining to divorcing friends; it provided me with 15 basic how-to-steps. The end result is that I will be “liberated”. Hmm... part of me thinks this is total BS. Sorry but seriously I don’t think it’s that easy. And for me personally to feel liberated I need more than just advise to “let them go”...

Maybe I need a burning ceremony or maybe it really is that easy and I just need to let them go. Really will my life be less enriched if they drift away? Probably not...it just makes me a little sad to think they didn’t value my presence in their life as much as I valued theirs in mine.

Food for Thought

"False friends are worse than open enemies" - proverb