Men & Women Can Be & Are Friends

I never even asked this questioned that men and women can’t be friends or had it asked of me until a few years ago. Actually it was more of a statement “men and women can’t be friends” than a question at that time. It was followed by “there is always an ulterior motive”. I call Bullshite. I think and know men and women can be and are friends.

It is a total misconception that our genders can’t be friends without some ulterior motive or reason like uh I don’t know, sex. Men and women can be friends without wanting to jump each other person’s bones. I can only speak for myself and a few of my friends but honestly friendship is the number one reason behind these relationships not sex or the hope of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

I think people who don’t think men and women can be friends miss out on some pretty amazing friendships. I mean when did friendships between the genders get so complicated? When we were kids I don’t ever remember choosing only girls as friends. We didn’t because we were still innocent and accepting of all people despite our differences such as gender, color or race. Too bad we still don’t see the world and the people in it the same way. Somewhere on the road to adulthood some of us lost the ability to see each other as just people and friends.

I am not arguing that Men and women aren’t different. We are. We see the world and experience things from completely different points of view and places physically, mentally and emotionally. However, this should be the reason why we ARE friends, not why we are NOT. We should embrace friends of the opposite sex to be just that, friends; to dispel stereotypes, to have friends who think differently and who challenge your own ideas. I believe it is to both sex’s benefit to embrace these differences. I think it’s good to know that you can be a good friend, able to celebrate successes such as job promotions and relationships and be there when they need you such as breakups or deaths of loved ones despite their sex. We are influenced by the people in our lives and we should celebrate them despite gender differences.

I know people think girls and guys can’t be friends because of ulterior motives and romantic feelings. I know that romantic feelings do and can occur between friends of opposite genders, but in my experience true friends look beyond your gender, they value you and your friendship over your boobs even if this sometimes takes a while to happen. I am not saying people aren’t attracted at times to their friends of the opposite sex; we wouldn’t be human if we weren’t at some point. We are friends with people because we like and respect them, because they are good people, they make us laugh and we enjoy their company. I believe that we are attracted to the same qualities in our friends as we are in our “mate”. But that doesn’t mean we view every friend as a potential mate.

I have always had guy friends. In fact one of my oldest and best friends is a guy. He has provided me through the years with practical and insightful advice not to mention abundant laughter with his story telling. He lets me ask him stupid questions, mainly about men. In fact he was my life line during high school and university many times over. Why? He understands guys, unlike my girlfriends, because he is one. Plus I like him, he is a good person who makes me laugh and whom I like spending time with. He is honest and will tell me if he thinks the guys in my life are jackasses or nice or if I am being a jackass. Though I have to admit I don’t always listen but he is and always has been there for me. I feel my life is and has been enriched by 20 year our friendship. I hope he feels the same way. If not it’s too late because I know where he lives, where his parents live, his email address and his phone number! True friendship is just that friendship, and we choose our friends for who they are not what gender they are.

Food For Thought

"What is a friend? I will tell you...it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself." ~ Frank Crane

Parents are people too

Do you remember as a kid you never thought your parents were people? Well they are. I remember sometime after leaving home I came to this conclusion. I know sad isn’t it. I guess I was so wrapped up in my own world to actually have given it much thought before. I think it was because I didn’t have to before then. I mean I lived at home and they took care of me didn’t they, for all those years.

When I left home to go to university suddenly I had to take care of myself and do everything or at least most things for myself. And I realized parents do a lot for their kids or at least mine did. I also realized that they had their own lives...finally. I was the last kid to leave home and suddenly my parents were flying off to Hawaii and enjoying their empty nest. Doing all kinds of things they didn’t before because well they had us to take care of.

I will admit that I had a hard time adjusting at first. When my parents moved from the house I had spent almost 17 years living in it was hard. All my childhood memories were in that house immortalized for me, it was our “family home”, the new house not so much. I mean it was nice and new and everything my parents wanted sans kids. I however, felt it was lacking you know space for us, the kids. However, I adjusted because really I didn’t want to return to live there full-time, so what did I care that there was only one TV and no room designated for us kids?

Years have passed, it’s actually scary to think how many since I left home. My parents are doing and have done tons of stuff without us kids, and I am happy for them because they should get to after raising us. I am glad that my parents get to do things they enjoy and perhaps didn’t get a chance to when we were at home because as kids we came first. My parent’s golf lots, travel and take courses from the local college. We in fact have a more adult relationship....sometimes. I think that even though I see them as individuals both of us, parents and kids alike, have a hard time completely dissolving the parent-child relationship. I think my dad will always see me somewhere between 12 and 18 and more on the adult side when he needs technical support for his computer. My mum well I know she sees me as an adult but she still acts like I don’t know what I am doing sometimes. I think it’s just how they see us and they can’t help it. I am trying to let it go but I am not always as generous with them as I am with others. Why? Well because they are my parents and its OK to be irritated at and by them isn’t it. It’s safer because they have to love you just as you do them. And because they will always be your parents and you will always be their kid, despite how much you piss each other off.

I see my parents as people, as individuals with different personalities, interests and needs. I have seen them as people for many years now. However, I will always see them as my parents irritating, supportive and all no matter how old I get. It’s inevitable...and I can live with that.

Food For Thought

If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent. ~Bette Davis

I 've been laxs

Hi followers or should I say friends, because lets face it most likely the only people reading my blog are friends. Sorry for the long break from the blogs. I am back on it now so keep checking back for more.