Losing yourself in coupledom

Have you ever noticed that when some people get into relationships they tend to lose themselves?  It's like they get sucked into a void - the relationship void and they lose sight of who they are.  I have seen it happen many times and have to admit that in my early twenties I was guilty of doing it myself.  However, I vowed after that relationship it wasn't going to happen again and it hasn't maybe due to the fact that I have spent a significant amount of that time in Singletown. Or maybe because as I age my standards for relationships and partners increase.

I know it may seem unfair to judge others but I wonder why people put the other person in their relationship and their needs above their very own.  I have seen friends stop doing the things they love doing such as sports, attending concerts etc. because it didn't suit their partner. Well too damn bad is what I say you should do them anyways.  I mean there has to be some kind of compromise(s) in relationships but sometimes its seems that one person compromises all the way and the other person not at all.

I have to admit that I often find it hard to not voice my opinion about it.  If you know me you how incredibly hard that is for me.  I am not very good at censoring myself. 

Now that I am older and supposedly wiser I have set standards and expectations for myself one of which is not to lose myself in a relationship ever again.  I thought this would be an easy task for most people.  I mean as we age we become so entrenched in who we are that it is a) hard to change and b) why would you want to, you are you.  However, that is not the case. I  know plenty of people my age (thirty-something) and older who are still losing themselves in relationships and both men and women do it so I know its not gender specific.  

When you embark in a committed relationship is it a something wonderful....or at least I am told often by couples.  I agree it can be amazing but not so much if you let it cost the most important thing, yourself.  When did being a couple mean that you had to completely give up yourself.  Many people seem to do it.  I guess I was lucky to grow up with parents who did many things together but also respect and love each other to realize that they need their own time, friends and interests.  However, despite that I fell into the void anyways.  But I am older and wiser and I think it is important in relationships to be able to hold your own.  To not cater all the time to the other person and to make sure you are happy in your relationship with you.  Do people really want to be with someone who is happy for you leave yourself, the real you, at the gates of Singletown while you go running into Coupledom as someone else? Is being in a relationship that important? Personally I don't think so.  I am happy to have many friends who accept me and let me be who I am and if I can't find someone to share my life with that feels the same way - so be it. I will happily be found Singletown.   

So to all those of you in Singletown I say this is a really good point, one of many, to use as leverage against all those couples who wonder why we are still single and why it really isn't all that bad. 

Food For Thought

"First, all relationships are with yourself-and sometimes they involve other people. Second, the most important relationships in you life - the one you have, like it or not, until the day you die - is with yourself. ~ Peter McWilliams

Another trip to coupledom

OK  I know I tend to rant on about the single versus couple thing but really some days it just pisses me off....so bear with me.  My latest adventure - traveling.  Myself and two friends are trying to book a trip to New Orleans over the "holiday season" to 1) avoid another pathetic holiday season spent with married siblings, parents and 2) avoid those pitiful looks from people at social gatherings commenting about how sad it is that you aren't spending the holidays with a loved one blab blab.  Whatever!  At least I will be spending it with people I like and not drinking myself into oblivion to avoid those "cheerful" family forced dinners.

We are three single professional gals who are independent and after spending almost every Christ-mass that's right I said Christ-mass you now the mass celebration where you spend most of the time thinking at least to yourself Christ how did I survive this last year?  Well the three of us have decided to venture out and actually spend it how we want to...enjoying copious amounts of food and liquor as per usual however, this year it will be with people we choose and whom we like and in a fun and exciting place, where I don't have to dress in my thermal underwear just to get to the car. 

So in my research to find us a decent place to stay in New Orleans I have come across a rather disturbing yet not too shocking discovery.  The plight of the singleton or singletons to find a decent hotel that doesn't cost me an ovary or first born child.  

I don't know what goes down there in Louisiana but it is really hard to find a decent hotel room for two or more people (friends) who do not wish to engage in close quarter sleeping arrangements in other words sex.  In Canada it seems rather easy to get a hotel room with 2 Queen beds, however in my search I have come across a plethora of rooms with either the choice of A meaning 1 King and/or  1 Queen bed, romantic and family vacation packages and even a "rock star" room.  What I have had a hard time finding is a room for us singles that isn't outrageously priced or forcing me to share a bed with a friend.  Something I find rather ironic in a country and state that doesn't recognize same sex marriages or unions! 

What I find incredibly frustrating is that my friends and I whom had decided on the reality of 2 adjoining rooms because of space and bathroom reasons are getting shafted.  And not in a good way.  It is almost impossible to find a decent room with 2 beds or a suite for 3 adults and guess what for that extra bed(s) not person(s) but the bed the rate is a lot more.  Like hundreds more! Depending on your length of stay! Which I think is incredibly insane I mean its like you pay more for being single and/or not wanting to sleep literally or figuratively with your friend(s). 

It's just another example of how couples get things for cheaper because they do.  I mean I think it's nuts that myself and my friends have to pay more money to occupy the same space as a "couple".  

That being said one of my friends seems to have found us a nice option a hotel with a suite that will probably work for us... though one of us will most likely be sleeping on a sofa bed because another extra bed adds like $100 a night!  Whatever.  We can handle it!   But I would be a lot happier if society would change its attitudes about singles.  I am getting really tired of living in Coupledom. Sometimes Singletown feels like a bad suburb where we pay extra taxes and get jack for it all while watching Coupledom recieved nice new curbing and safer lights at our expense.  Oh well.....maybe one day people will say "Oh your not single" That's really sad"

Food For Thought

"Being single is pretty good. It’s a nice sense of irresponsibility."~Michael Douglas