Dragons,, mythical creatures or members of our society?

I am sure we are all familiar with dragons. Those mythical creatures that show up in fantasy novels and movies. Are they really mythical creatures? I personally think that they are alive and well and living among us. I am sure we have all had experiences with these so called mythical creatures.

One of my first experiences for me occurred in grade 5. When our substitute teacher pulled me aside at lunch to tell me well honestly that I was a bad kid. Yip that did wonders for my self esteem, apparently I was mean to others, no one else was mean just me. I solely was the only mean child out of 20+ kids. It was not a nice life lesson I assure you. I still remember eating my granny smith apple trying not to cry less she sense my weakness and strike again. I have never forgiven her and she to this day remains on my secret list you know the one...everyone has one.

Over the years I have had several encounters with dragons. In my undergraduate years it was with two professors. The women actually called herself the Dragon Lady, she was proud of it. I think she thrived off failing students which in that case encompassed almost the entire class. The man well let’s say to add salt to the wound he was my academic advisor in addition to being one of my profs. A person whom which was heard to say and I quote “I hate undergrads”. I mean who the hell pays your salary? Not to mention that everyone at some point was an undergrad. Or was he special and came out of the womb holding his Doctorate in hand? I thankfully made it through those years a little scorched but I survived.

I have met many dragons over the years. And includes people who came in and out of my life like a flash to those whom I had to endear for years. I had thought that I had meet the ultimate dragons whilst at grad school...believe it or not there were at least three. I think they came as a package, one that once opened attacked you by surprise, secretly sneaking into my cubicle, pouncing on me in the hallways and emailing me with questions and pouncing on me. I believe these were planned attacks, planned to hone in on my weakness at times when I was most vulnerable. And I have to say they often worked....momentarily.

Alas I have recently met the supreme dragon of all my dragons. Believe it or not but she came disguised as a “helpful and supportive” career counsellor. After months of job searching and still having nothing to show for it I felt that I should go in search of some professional help. You know someone who could point my in the right direction and lift my spirits. I found a nice place that offered these services for free to those of us that qualified. By free I mean they are supported by our tax dollars both federal and provincial. My first visit was with the assessment officer. I came prepared with cover letter and resume examples. It was a good and positive meeting and I left with much anticipation and good feelings towards my appointment with my career counsellor.

So when I showed up that Friday afternoon eager to be helped I was both mentally and emotionally unprepared by the fire breathing women I meet with. I of course am biased because lets face it she pretty much left me and my self-esteem smouldering, so if the story appears to portray her in a less than positive light it’s because that’s how I feel about her and the whole experience.

For whatever reason she seemed to be unprepared for our meeting, whether she was not expecting to be meeting with another client on that sunny hot Friday afternoon I will never know. I was sure it was going to be a good experience as she escorted her previous client to reception making a future appointment and saying things like “email me your resume etc and the things we went over and I will get back to you and provide more help. And the next time you come in we will review where you are etc etc.”

So with those warm, fuzzy and nervous feelings I eagerly followed her to her lair. That’s right people I said lair, it really could have been, as it had no windows and was located in the furthest and darkest corner of the office. Basically the meeting started with her not even having my file, so therefore she obviously had not read it. But I was ok with this I figured upon retrieving it she would take a few minutes to read it over before we got started. Nope. Again I thought this isn’t so bad when she read my cover letter example and said it was great and a pleasure to read. In hind sight I think this was a set up you know the bait before WHAMO. She basically before even reading my resume told me “you don’t have a job because of your resume”, apparently it was awful like some shite encrusted piece of paper she was being forced to hold. I told her I have already had professional help with it and managed to get a few interviews so it couldn’t be all that bad...could it? Nope it was horrible according to her, she hoped I hadn’t actually paid for this help as she pulled out her weapon of choice, her pen, stack of sticky notes and just starting scratching and scrawling and looking at me with those big googly eyes of hers, seriously she wore really thick glasses. It was horrible horrible. She actually told me “I am sad you sent this resume out to people”. Yes she said that, honest. The meeting ended with her telling me to take a couple of weeks to work on my resume and come back when it was “polished”. She then escorted me to the resource room, patted me on the shoulder, gave me a I feel sorry for you look and left me staring at a huge book entitled something like resume magic. I don’t want you to think that I can’t take constructive criticism. After all, that was one of the reasons why I went there to get help, but I feel like all I got was one bitch slap after another.

She completely made me doubt myself and all that I had been doing over the last several months and years. She burned up almost all of what remained of my self esteem with her fiery tongue and words. It took me three days and many sleepless nights to recuperate from this experience, and if the truth be told I am still recovering. I have not gone back to see her with my “polished resume”. I just can’t face her. Am I a coward? Probably. It’s just when you are expecting help and support and instead you are crushed to the core really it’s an experience no one wants to repeat EVER.

I am however, happy to say that my friends were very supportive and I am back on the job band wagon. I may even have something in the works. I feel like I have beat/slayed the dragon or at least the latest one.

I personally love the mythical dragons and am a huge fan. They are fierce, enduring misunderstood creatures. The real dragons I am not a fan of at all, though I am sure I will continue to meet them for the rest of my life. Next time I will be more prepared...or at least that’s what I tell myself.

Food For Thought

“Fairy Tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.” ~ G. K. Chesterton quotes

Quality Versus Quantity

Have you ever wondered how people got and/or manage to keep their positions? I am sure we have all encountered people in our lives at work and organizations etc. that seem to be incompetent, lacking in personal skills, rude, unprepared, unqualified for the job at hand and quite frankly not helpful at all.

Personally I have run into this situation several times, it appears to not be limited just to work or volunteer organizations but seems rife throughout society. The reason I mention this is because I wonder at what point does quantity overrule quality? Sometimes it seems that the powers that be would rather have all their seats full, than have fewer seats but filled with people of better quality.

I have a good friend who belongs to a national organization that is primarily run by volunteers, like many large organizations there are some full-time paid staff to oversee things, keep the organization going etc. However, in the last few years it seems that some of the people, both the volunteers and paid employees, have forgotten the true purpose of the organization. She struggles with it as we all do when confronted with such a situation(s). An organization is what its people are, essentially the saying “you are what you eat” applies. When people involved in the organization become more interested in what they can personally get out of it rather than what they put into it I question why they are allowed to continue, especially when the situation has been brought to the attention of organization’s powers that be. Why are these people allowed to continue and in many instances move up the ladder to more prestigious positions often with more responsibilities and in some cases more money?

I have been part of many organizations over the years. I join these organizations because I enjoy working for and with them, believe in what they stand for and I want to contribute to the world even if it’s in some small way. I find it upsetting that these “quantity people” who seem to be out for themselves manage to continue and in many cases gain power in these organizations. I am sure at some point karma will come knocking, but at what cost?

Recently in BC a very large, influential and important conservation organization has run into this very problem. It has split the organization in half, pitting one side against the other in a rather heated and very ugly public debate. I think it’s a sad result especially when it appears that the main purpose of the organization has been lost along the way, that personal selfishness, need and greed by some of its members to feel important and get their own way is essentially causing the collapse of the organization and all it stands for. It makes me sad because along the way not only does the organization and its members suffer as a result but the environment, people and in many cases children who are the beneficiaries and purpose of these organizations really lose out. Most likely quantity people will move on to some other organization while the quality people struggle to put the pieces back together.

It’s unfortunate but I believe quantity people create something similar to, if not an actual a dictatorship in organizations. Have you read George Orwell’s Animal Farm? It is a good lesson to all, people, companies and organizations alike to learn from. Like many dictatorships, these organizations (of all types including companies) will fall. History has proven time and time again that they do, look at the USSR, Stalin’s Italy, Germany and many others throughout time. Hopefully though they can and will rebuild only to be stronger and wiser. Hopefully choosing quality over quantity.

The responsibility lies with the organization, it must stand up for itself. To say we want quality people even if that means fewer people. We want our organization to stand for something positive so that people associate us with a good and well run organization full of quality people, in turn this will gain you more quality people, and better public relations. So I ask quantity people move over, get out or re-think your own self needs and change. Become a quality person or get the hell out of Dodge so that quality people can move in. Organizations ask yourself what you want to be remembered for? lots of selfish self-serving people or to known as a good quality and esteemed organization? It’s your choice. Quality people don’t give up, have faith keep on trucking it will happen.

Food For Thought

Unselfish and noble actions are the most radiant pages in the biography of souls. ~David Thomas

Is Single-town being engulfed by Coupledom?

As I get older I feel that being single is like being an endangered species; we are dwindling by the day. Every time I turn around another friend or acquaintance is leaving Single-town for Coupledom, which is great and I am happy for them. However, I sometimes feel like Single-town is being engulfed by Coupledom, a place where everyone is happily coupled off engaging in and not necessarily producing offspring but at least practicing, buying houses and erasing all traces of Single-town from their memories. This is couples, is a PROBLEM especially for your single friends. Why? Because you no longer understand or try to understand our lives anymore and you ask stupid and quite frankly if the truth be told hurtful questions at times like: don’t you want to be married? I have actually had friends tell me how they are so happy they are no longer single, like it’s the black plague of our “modern” society.

First off many couples fail to see that being single is not necessarily a choice for everyone. I know shocking but true. Not all of us choose to sleep alone night after night wondering when our next great organism will occur...will it be next week, next year or five years from now? Ok let’s be honest here many of Single-towners would happily settle for good or even adequate sex. Some of us are still single because as we aged we also acquired standards and they get higher the older we get. We do not want to settle in either our sex lives or relationships.What’s more the older I get the more I see Coupledom as a somewhat looming battlefield that I am not sure I want to propel myself onto. It seems to be rife with compromise, age old gender roles, forgetting your life as single entity and making sure plans fit in with the spouse, children and their plans. I am not saying this is a bad thing but from Single-town it’s not really a great reason to join the ranks of Coupledom. However, a sex only relationship doesn’t seem all that appealing either. I mean who is going to do all the stuff I hate doing, like checking my oil. Bed buddies don’t do that – mates however do. Don’t they? Please tell me this isn’t a falsehood.

Trust me people, the more you see couples in your idea of a less than ideal relationship it really makes you question the hurry to be in one yourself. And the biggest reason why we are still single is.... because we just haven’t found the right person or they haven’t found us yet.

What I want to know is why do couples forget what it’s like to be single, to forge through the crap to the gold? Why do they not have single friends to introduce other single friends too? Or if they do, why don’t they? Why do they not understand that you don’t want to constantly be the third, fifth or 7^th wheel at dinners and other social occasions? Don’t get me wrong I like my friends, their spouses and my couple friends but sometimes I wish they would understand and remember what is was like when they where single and except that I don’t want to attend events where I will be the only one single person at the event. It gets old! Single people hate answering the same questions again and again: married? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? And then the conversation dries up like an old prune and you get the sad old maid look. Men is there a sad old bachelor look I am unaware of? If so please let me know. Basically you feel like you should have a sign on your forehead: single please give wide berth (black plague here). It’s not a pretty experience people and TRUST ME your single friends have experienced this A LOT and most likely at one of your events like a dinner, wedding or both. We are just too polite to say your great Aunt so and so thinks I am a looser because I am still single so if you want me I’ll be at the bar getting cosy with my friend Merlot.

I have always enjoyed my life in Single-town. I have traveled a lot, taken jobs all over the world and pretty much done whatever I wanted to when I wanted to. It’s not as if I have never been in a relationship, never yearned to know that I have “found the one” and can stop looking because looking is exhausting people EXHAUSTING. It’s a world full of internet dating, unwanted sexual propositions, no sexual propositions, married folks posing as singles and many other land mines. However, there is a part of me that still hopes that one day I will go bravely forward into Coupledom, to see and experience being a couple from the greener side of the grass leaving Single-town but not single me behind. For now I go bravely forward happily in Single-town a land slowly but surely being encroached by Coupledom.

Food for Thought

"I'm single because I was born that way." - Mae West